So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
