So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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