I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
