marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
