getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
