Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
