i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
