Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
