K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
