covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
