meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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