Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
