Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
