THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
