i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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