she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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