I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
