sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
