Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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