please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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