My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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