You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
