Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize