when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
