are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize