Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
