this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
