i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
