Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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