Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
