you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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