I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
