so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
