John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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