My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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