i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
