i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
tell me about the eggs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize