k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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