So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
