I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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