i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
