There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
