i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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