i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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