why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
