Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
