I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
