I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
