double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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