I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
