Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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