I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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