apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
