At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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