no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
