She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize