Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
