i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
