i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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