I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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