I need to stop coming to work sober
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize