I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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