Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
