Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
