You can't motorboat a personality
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
