but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can text with my tongue
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
