you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
