u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
